美国华人
第1306篇文章
一位孩子在美国耶鲁大学读高年级的妈妈，周末去参加了每年一次的”家庭周末“活动。耶鲁的华人家长们组织了一次两代人都参加的聚会，并请高年级同学回答新生父母提问。女儿从家长们的提问中加深了对中国式父母的了解，给妈妈发来一篇情真意切的感言。
正文共：1830字
预计阅读时间：5分钟
撰文：皓兰婷
秋色中的耶鲁校园。（摄影：Victor Liu)
孩子上大学了，家长们常常无所适从，感到孩子像脱了线的风筝，不知飞向何方。想去学校看孩子，又担心他们太忙没有时间见我们。美国的大学，每年都举办一次“家庭日”活动，邀请家长去学校参观校园，听讲座，看望孩子。这个活动大多都安排在秋季，在大学开学后一两个月左右的时间。这样的安排很有人情味：新生刚入学时处于新奇和兴奋时期，更忙于选课和适应大学生活，好象把爸爸妈妈和家庭都抛在脑后了。等万事就绪，很多孩子就开始想家了。家长们在送别孩子时依依不舍，回家看到空荡荡的房间，很多妈妈会一边清理一边暗自流泪。
“家庭周末”活动，是一个看望孩子的好机会。刚刚过去的周末是耶鲁大学的家庭周末（Family Weekend), 我们这些去参加活动的华人家长举办了一个聚会，也邀请了孩子们，并组织了一次别开生面的问与答——由新生家长或学生提问，高年级的同学回答。我的女儿是参加回答的四个高年级同学之一。起初我还不知道女儿能不能抽出时间去参加我们的家长聚会，不想我跟女儿一提，她欣然答应，而且表示非常愿意解答家长和低年级学生的问题。我自然非常高兴，也对她心存感激。让我事先没有想到的是，这次问与答，除了女儿用她的经验帮助到新生和家长以外，她的热心和参与，更增加了我们母女之间的感情，让她对父母的爱有了更深的了解和理解，也对中国文化有了更深的理解。她说从父母们提出的问题中，她深切地感到了中国父母对孩子们无私的爱，她为此深深感动。
耶鲁校园一角。（摄影：Michael Maraland)
看到这么多家长因关心支持自己的孩子们而聚集在一起，我非常感动。
我本以为大部分问题会是关于如何选课和如何找到实习机会方面的，但我却发现爸爸妈妈们更多关注的问题，是孩子们，特别是刚入学的新生，在大学期间是否真的开心，并如何健康地做到学习和生活的平衡。
有一位家长问我，她的儿子平时总是凌晨2-3点睡，这种作息是否正常？她对此非常担心。
作为一个学生，这样的作息时间对我来说很正常，对很多大学生来说也是常态。我平时几乎没有考虑过作息问题。但看见这位家长忧心忡忡，我才意识到这些我们平时在学校习以为常的生活方式，在家长眼里是不正常甚至难以理解的（很显然他们认为晚睡是不健康的）。
另一位家长问我怎样申请社团，我本以为他问的是学术类社团，但他问的却是艺术类社团，如清唱社团或舞蹈社团。我再一次意识到是我们误判了父母们的想法。中国家长往往给人一种刻板印象，那就是他们只关心孩子们的成绩和高收入的工作，但我现在认为这都是老一辈过去的想法了。这一次的问答让我发现我们华人孩子的父母并没有一味要求孩子盲目追求不感兴趣的领域。事实上，他们最牵挂孩子们的身体健康，情绪状况，和社交活动。
最重要的是，家长们渴望更多地了解孩子的生活，更多地了解孩子们即将步入的社会，他们不放过任何一个机会，竭尽所能地帮助孩子们收集这些信息。这样的做法让我想到了我自己的爸爸妈妈，我更加体会到，只有父母才会这样爱孩子，这和他们对我的关心和爱的方式很像。
当我们所有的孩子都在楼上闲聊的时候，甚至还调侃家长们的这种聚会时，我才意识到原来组织这样的聚会，家长们不仅仅是因为孩子们来到耶鲁而结缘、相识和相聚，更是出于他们对孩子们的爱和关心。举办这个聚会并不是为了家长的社交，而是为了孩子！如我的爸爸妈妈一样，移民到美国的中国家长大部分是在中国上的大学，他们和在美国上大学的孩子们有着非常不同的经历。直到今天我才意识到，这些家长们只是想帮助孩子，给孩子一些建议，并不是我们曾经以为的那样仅仅在乎孩子的学业。
从出生一直到高中，孩子就在身边，家长对孩子的帮助直接又方便，而现在耶鲁（其他大学也一样）对那些无时无刻不牵挂着孩子的家长们而言似乎很遥远。因此，他们利用这个机会向我们——这些比他们孩子年长几岁，多一些大学经验的学长学姐们提问，从而能更多地了解自己的孩子。尽管家长们看起来很担心，但正是这些关心，让我体会到他们内心多么在乎和支持孩子。今晚的活动让我颇有感触。我感到这就是中国文化中父母之爱的独特表达方式吧。
为此我深深感动。谢谢妈妈带我去参加这个聚会。
女儿的心里话把我这个妈妈也感动了，看来我们和孩子之间的沟通还不够。古人所说“儿行千里母担忧”，同样适用于身在海外的华人家庭。我庆幸我又一次参加了今年的耶鲁“家庭周末”活动，能有意外的收获，不虚此行。
英文原文：
It is so touching to see such a big group of parents all gathered together because they love and support their children.
I had assumed questions would be about which classes to take and how to get internships, but I realized all these parents wanted to know was how to ensure that their kids are happy and could have a well-balanced life in college.
One parent came up to me afterwards and asked if it was normal that her son was sleeping at 2-3 am on weekdays. She seemed incredibly worried. As a student, this is normal to me. But seeing the look of concern on her face made me realize that these little things we take as the way of life at school can seem odd and confusing to parents (obviously, in this case though, sleeping late is not healthy).
Another parent asked how applications to clubs worked–I’d assumed (once again) they meant academic clubs, but they’d been referring to the arts, like a cappella groups and dance groups.
It was then that I’d realized I’d misjudged the situation. There’s a stereotype that Chinese parents only care about grades and high paying jobs, but I think this is very much a stereotype of the past.
Answering questions in that room made me realize that these parents were parents that didn’t want their children to blindly follow fields they weren’t passionate about, they were actually worried about the health, happiness, and social lives of their kids. Most of all, this was a group of loving parents that wanted to gain more insight into their kids’ lives, better understand the world their now-adult children were about to enter, and hopefully be able to pass along the information to help them if they could.
Only a parent would do that, that is the type of love only our mothers or fathers have for us.
While all of us kids were hanging out upstairs poking fun at the parents for having this gathering, this gathering was for the sake of the kids all along. At the end of the day, our parents all had such different experiences in college and it wasn’t until today that I realized they just wanted to better understand, maybe be helpful and have some advice to give; and while high school was more or less straightforward, Yale is far removed and can seem very foreign to parents who just want to be there for their kids. It was even more apparent as I realized these parents were asking us, a group of upper-classman only a few years older with only a bit more experience, for advice.
Even though this group of parents was concerned, it was that concern that made me realize how supportive and caring they were. This is how Chinese culture shows their love best; and it was incredibly touching to be a part of it tonight.
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《听我心声 | “妈妈你吃了吗？” —— 给妈妈的一封公开信》
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